Today was a lovely ‘Thank God it is Friday’ day. Everyone lingered for well over an hour after lunch, discussing stuff and nonsense. Suddenly we were in the middle of the worst scenes/stories from Bollywood movies. Here are three of the picks:
Hello Brother – The main theme of the story is heart transplant. No, it is not a message about donating your organs. Salman Khan dies. His heart is transplanted into Arbaz Khan. Then Arbaz Khan falls in love with Salman Khan’s sweetheart, Rani Mukherjee. Why? Because Salman’s heart is now in Arbaz. In case you have not already collapsed under this weighty medical discovery, you can read further. After a series of funny scenes (and fairly good stuff at that), we reach the climax. Rani is talking to Salman Khan’s ghost and confesses that she would have probably not loved Arbaz had Salman’s heart not been in the former’s body. Salman Khan then goes to heaven, a happy and contented ghost. But boy, am not sure if Rani was thinking of how her family life is going to be with husband Arbaz always wondering what the deal with him is.
Raja Ki Aayegi Barat – This was apparently Rani Mukherjee’s first movie. It had the path breaking storyline of a rapist’s victim (Rani) taking the rapist to court and getting a judgment to marry him. Traumatised by this injustice, the rapist-husband tries to kill Rani. One of the many ways he tries is letting a snake into her room. Rani looks at the snake and swoons. The disappointed but enterprising snake goes and bites rapist-husband. Rani wakes up and realises he is dying (the rapist not the snake). So proceeds to suck the poison out of his body and spit it out. And she saves him. By this point, most people in the audience are thunderstruck and wondering how long the story will proceed on complete and utter denial of reality. Firstly, a judgment that can only exist in cuckoo land. Secondly, the billion dollar question of how do people procure snakes so easily and manage to handle them even more easily and expect it to find the correct target like one of those heat missiles. And finally, do snakes usually shy away from biting unconscious people?
Kuch Kuch Hota Hai – Ok, this is not absurd per se. But I really thought most people missed noticing this scene with great comic potential. Kajol is about to get married to Salman Khan. But she really loves Shah Rukh Khan. So when she is descending down the stairs into the wedding mantap, she starts weeping and looks pointedly at Shah Rukh Khan. All the guests fall silent realizing it is going to be the wedding story of their lives and wait with bated breath for action. Salman Khan is fast realizing that there is going to be no wedding or honeymoon for him. Amidst the silence comes a sole duty-bound voice ‘Kanya ko bulavo. Shubh muharat nikal raha hai’ (Ask the bride to come. The auspicious hour is getting over). It is the priest. Salman Khan gives him a withering look that says it all ‘Sense the mood buddy. You may want to give your money’s worth later on…if required’. The persistent priest tries once more before finally giving up under Salman’s continued withering stare. It is a shame few people appreciate a strong sense of duty, but perhaps in this scenario I can empathise with Salman Khan.