I was reading the Box Office verdicts for various movies and was pleasantly surprised to note that 'Humko Deewana Kar Gaye'(HDKG) had a good opening. This is the first movie I have seen on a 'First day First show' mode and I naturally feel quite maternal about the movie.
Last weekend after much protesting by Z, we all landed up at the theatre. Everyone agreed that when five people are in a boisterous mood, one must ignore good stuff and stick to the kind of movies that makes you aspire to high levels of wit.
HDKG did not fail to amuse. As S put it, Akshay Kumar and Katrina Kaif look like Ken and Barbie. They both obviously go to the gym. And when they are not in there, they must be at some beauty parlour. Bipasha Basu also looks like a regular at all these places. The one person who does not is Anil Kapoor and not surprisingly he looks like someone exploded dynamite near his face. However, he realises this towards the end and successfully draws attention away from his face by wearing golden shoes for the last half-hour of the movie.
To begin at the beginning. Akshya Kumar (AK) has something to do with automobiles. This is good because the producer a recovers a healthy part of the movie's budget through in-movie product placement of Toyota Corollas. AK is engaged to Bipasha Basu (Bips). Bips is a fashion designer who is keen on having a good professional career and hence refuses to let AK kiss her because she wants to postpone having a child. (Hey before we get judgmental about how young minds watching such movies will get the whole process of having a kid wrong let us remember that most religions advocate that at least a few characters were born through Immaculate Conception). AK is sent to Canada for something to do with cars and there he meets Katrina (Kats). Kats is the quintessential Bollywood rich girl who spends all her time shopping. AK still frustrated about not being kissed by Bips, spends the next two hours romancing Kats and trying to get her to kiss him. This process is involves a series of boring scenes with clichéd characters speaking inane dialogues.
Kats: So I will see you at 6 tomorrow
AK: Because I will be there at 5.30
Kats: He he he (Laughing like the tinkling of a thousand glasses. All empty)
After two hours of such dialogues, circumstances force the duo apart, providing the audience some relief. Kats is scheduled to marry her rich fiancé Anil Kapoor in Mumbai. AK and Bips have also now come back to Mumbai. Their paths cross at Kats wedding function. And here is where the director makes the leap from boring to tedious. Even a retarded six-year-old just being started on a diet of Hindi movies knows that Kats and AK have to get together in the end. So the director keeps us on tenterhooks as Kats gets married to Anil Kapoor (gulp) and gets into the nuptial chambers (gulp gulp). However all is well that ends well. In a scene lifted straight out of Crash, AK manages to save Kats from burning to death in a car (How? How? How did she get there from the hotel?). Like a true Bollywood..oops..Bharatiya Nari, Kats still does not take matters into her hands and waits for pati dev to do something. Anil Kapoor realises that the longer the climax prolongs, the longer the audience gets to watch his golden shoes and proceeds to break Kats' Mangal Sutra and says 'They are made for each other'. Bips not to be outdone finally marks her presence on the screen by coming up with the silliest comment ever 'No. They are mad for each other'.